Highs and lows

In our house, at family meals, in the evenings, we often go around the table and ask each other what our highs and lows have been that day.

Well this has been a week of highs and lows. One of the highs was leading worship at the evening service tonight. We have a new drummer, Joel, and a new guitarist, David who is also in my men's cell group, and they can seriously play. The band sounded great, and the singers sung their hearts out, and even though the service was packed with so many elements it made it hard to create a good flow, the worship was really wonderful, and I felt like we'd been to the throne room.

Let me just point out that this was nothing to do with me. This was all God.

I've had the kind of week I never want to have again. I finished a book back on Sunday where one of the main characters dies by falling from a high tower. He lands in a crumpled heap on the ground, and then the book records the emotions and experiences of the other characters in dealing with this tragedy, where their whole world has been turned upside down. Well, my Pastor, boss, mentor and friend, Dave, died three months ago in similar circumstances, and as I read this story I nearly burst into tears right there in Cafe Greco. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and immediately relived the horror of those moments three months ago all over again. I closed the book and walked up road 9 in a bit of a daze.

Anyhow, this week has been the emotional aftermath of this fresh wave of grief, and I've been a wreck. I have felt low and useless and inadequate and lethargic and demoralised. You may not have noticed, because I'm good at hiding it, and I didn't really realise it fully myself until today.

On top of this we have our Christmas pageant in ten days time and it's a big deal and I'm responsible for it and I had to apologise to three people today for not being on the ball with it. On top of this two of my colleagues are getting married on Saturday, and our girls are bridesmaids, and I'm leading the music in the service. That's why church tonight was such a high, I was leading worship, but I was certainly not doing it in my own strength.

God showed up just when I needed Him most.